On Dissocation & Embodiment

This sort of topic is the kind that I could write an entire book about, but let’s start with the quickest run-down possible: 

What is dissociation? 

Dissociation is a trauma response closely related to the “freeze” response: it is a sense of being outside of your own body. This could manifest as feeling floaty, foggy, or numb. It could be as severe as feeling as if you are literally floating above your body, watching yourself live, or could be as mild as frequent forgetfulness and tiredness. 

What is embodiment? 

Embodiment is the sense that you are firmly grounded, rooted, or settled in your body. It is the felt sense of safety and aliveness that leaves you open to experiencing the fullness of your own emotions, sensations, and experiences. 

For me, and for many other AFAB folks, the feeling of embodiment is fleeting and, at times, elusive. Common reasons that it may be hard to stay embodied include:

-A history of sexual, physical, or emotional abuse

-Unprocessed intergenerational trauma

-Burnout

-Perfectionism and overfunctioning

-High stress careers

-Family stress

-Internalized narratives of never being “enough” 

The list could go on. Unfortunately, culturally we live in a place that idealizes “the grind”: this idea that if we work hard enough for long enough, we’ll be able to achieve happiness and safety through monetary gain. Of course, we’ve all experienced that this particular bar is one that will continuously shift - there will always be another promotion, another goal, even another healing journey… it’s easy to feel as if we will never truly be enough. 

So how do we become embodied? How do we slow down enough to truly enjoy our lives? 

These are some of my favorite questions. Fortunately and unfortunately, it can look different for every person. But what I have found is that it takes what an old professor of mine used to say: “a thousand one-degree shifts.” It means posturing yourself towards being more connected to your own body and presence just the tiniest bit more, every day. 

It sounds easy, in some ways, but it’s not. Crawling back to aliveness when you’ve been taught to be numb takes every ounce of your being. 

Here are some of my favorite one-degree shifts:

-Going for a walk without any music or podcasts or distractions. Find a plant or house or anything that sparks your interest and stop to notice it. Really notice it: the veins in the leaves, the smell of it, the number and shape of the petals, the way that the moss decorates bricks and roofs and sidewalks… you get the picture. Look closely.

-Cradle your forehead with one hand and the back of your neck with the other. Take three deep breaths, really noticing the warmth of your hand against your skin, and any sensations that arise with this support.

-DANCING is a great one. Pick even just one song and dance as freely as possible - don’t think about what your body is doing or what others might think. Listen to what your body wants to do. Even just shaking is a great way to release numbness.

-Humming and singing: Our sense of safety is connected directly to the use of our voices. Sometimes the impact of this is so dramatic that you can feel a lump in your throat when you aren’t saying something you need to express. So if you’ve been working all day at a job you hate, or had a fight with your partner, or thought back to a bad memory, try to hum. Use your voice. 

There are many, many ways to come back home to yourself. If this is of interest to you, I’d love to explore it further with you.