Postpartum & Anxiety

The worries that come from being a new mother are unparalleled.

This feels like a big statement to me, as someone who has lived with anxiety for my entire life. As is typical with anxiety, there have been time periods of increased overall unease–sometimes to the point of panic–and there have also been some significant reprieves, especially as I’ve gotten older. 

But nothing could have prepared me for the terror of new parenthood. During these days, it seemed I could barely go ten minutes without an intrusive thought shouting at me: have you checked his breathing? Did his seatbelt loosen since we got in the car? What if I drop him? What if I fall down the stairs while I’m holding him? What if my partner falls down the stairs while holding him? 

The opportunities for tragedy were truly endless, and my brain did not hesitate to let me know each and every one. 

It’s extremely common for new moms to have anxiety–to have a lot of it. The question for me, and for many others, is when does it become too much? The clinical factors considered are these:

Does it extend beyond the first two months?

Does it interfere with your everyday functioning (eating, sleeping, ability to do things you enjoy, etc)?

Does it include intrusive or racing thoughts?

Are you having panic attacks?

If the answer to any of these is yes, then it’s a very good idea to get an evaluation from a doctor or mental health provider. Early intervention helps tremendously with a quick recovery time, and if you aren’t sure, it’s always okay to ask. 

Even beyond the sometimes scary clinical language, there are so many things that are terrifying about being a new parent. There are so many firsts: the first night, the first car ride, the first time someone besides you or your partner holds them, the first hour or hours away… all of these can bring about a different kind of worry than what you may be used to. 

Part of this is the incredible symbiotic nature of the birthing parent/baby bond. Being close to our newborn triggers a cascade of powerful hormones intended to make us both feel safe and secure. Both baby and mom need this sort of contact to calm their nervous systems, especially in the first three months after birth. But for baby, who believes at this point that they are still a part of mom’s body, the separation can mean extreme distress (at times. This depends on the temperament of your baby as well). 

Our powerful instincts tell us to stay as close to our babies for as long as we can, and that’s a good thing! But this can be extremely difficult when you need even thirty minutes away for a shower or a walk, and when anxiety is debilitating, sometimes it blocks these things altogether. 

That may be the perfect time to reach out for more support. Whether you’re experiencing a little or a lot of anxiety in postpartum, know that it is normal to feel fear. After all, you’re very new at this! And like with any new love, taking care of it is tremendously vulnerable and risky. To love someone this much is to be fearful of their absence. But your baby is safe with you–as mine was with me. 

If you’re experiencing postpartum anxiety and could use some support, I would be so happy to provide you with further resources.